


what's mine is yours to make your own

by Nyxierose



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, F/M, Ficlet Collection, sooo much domestic fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-11
Updated: 2017-12-20
Packaged: 2018-06-07 17:24:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 5,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6816595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nyxierose/pseuds/Nyxierose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of unrelated prompt fills and other short ficlets, Lucelyn set.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. “the paint’s supposed to go WHERE?”

**Author's Note:**

> Ficlet collection because I fail at crossposting from my tumblr ([@electricbluebutterflies](http://electricbluebutterflies.tumblr.com)) and format's worked for me with other ships sooo my functional babies get one too. Title is from "Look After You" by The Fray.

The third thing Jocelyn did once everything had mostly blown over was decide to redecorate the apartment, and for the first time in thirty years, Luke wondered how he’d ended up permanently stuck with this glorious woman.

It made sense, he supposed. When he’d moved in, fifteen years ago, he’d assumed that he’d be the sole occupant of this place for a very long time and decorated (or more like _not_  decorated) accordingly. He’d always thought, on the days he dared to daydream about such things, that when their relationship was finally “safe”, either he’d move in with Joss (ideally) or they’d get a new place together (slightly more of a headache but still an _option_ ). Never had he ever considered… well, _this_.

There was enough space for two people. They could be together now. He was in love. It was okay.

There was just the small detail of the love of his life _really_  needing a project and deciding that said project involved a lot of pale blue paint. Among other things. And sending him out to go get more because she’d seriously underestimated all of this.

“Where do you want-”

His voice cut off as he stepped into the bathroom, or what was left of it anyways. (It would be put back in order in a few hours, Joss had promised, and he mostly trusted her.) He wasn’t sure _what_  she’d done, exactly, but there was a new energy in the small space. It felt like home, like them. Maybe this made a little more sense than he thought.

“Do you like it?” she asked, hopping off the counter and back onto the floor.

“It’s beautiful,” Luke murmured, putting the paint cans down at his feet and pulling her into his arms.

(Getting paint off of his favorite jacket was totally worth the satisfied expression on his wife’s face.)

 


	2. massages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tension can mean multiple things...

“You’re too tense,” he murmurs, gently stroking her upper back. They’re curled up on her couch on the most normal boring Sunday afternoon of Luke’s life, and his caretaker instincts are making an unwanted appearance. He trusts Joss, he knows she deals with her shit as she needs to, but-

“I hate when you’re right,” she counters, not really meaning it.

“Everything okay?”

“Nothing unusual, if that’s what you’re really asking.” She turns a little closer to him. “I’m fine, Luke. I promise.”

His hand drops a little lower on her shoulderblade and immediately finds a knot. “That does not feel like fine.”

Against every rule in her brain, she moans. “Keep your hand _right there._ ”

He complies, varying pressure on the spot and trying to ignore the way her little noises make him feel. This is innocent, he tells himself, totally innocent and doesn’t mean anything and-

“Would it work better if I took off my shirt?”

Innocent. _Yeah_. He barely manages some sort of affirmative noise, and then he backs away for a few moments as she unbuttons her blouse and throws it aside. On some level he is relieved that her bra is basic, light gray and clearly designed more for comfort than style, but this is still the most of her skin he’s ever seen at once and she’s asking him to _touch_  her. Fuck his life.

“You okay?” she asks like this is all totally normal.

“Are you sure this is safe, Jocelyn? I know we’ve had that talk but-”

“I like your hands on me and I will not get off from anything you do to my back. It’s within my limits.”

“Tell me if you need me to stop.”

“Tell me if you need the same. I don’t… I don’t want to frustrate you, Luke. I really don’t.”

“I’ll be fine,” he murmurs, and then his hands are on her skin again. He searches her, finds her tense spots and applies the right pressures to make them go away, and in return she makes all kinds of noises that he’d always hoped to hear in slightly different context. Ah well, at least this is _something_. He can feel her coming apart against him, and he’s honored to be the cause of her bliss.

It’s not what either of them wants, but it’s beautiful  and healing all the same.

“Thank you,” she says when he finishes, putting her blouse back on but not yet bothering to button it. “You’re good, Luke. I love you so much and I wish-”

“I know, love.” He kisses her forehead, lighter than a feather. “Someday.”

“Someday,” she repeats, and that day can’t come soon enough


	3. aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after a full moon can be intense.
> 
> (Pre-s1.)

There are no perks to having a werewolf sort-of-boyfriend. Only downsides. It’s been 15 years, the last 10 frightfully domestic, and Jocelyn knows this all too well. Without fail, every full moon means Luke will get injured at best and she’ll spend a day or two hovering over him, and while she’s glad for the excuse to spend time at his apartment just the two of them, she wishes it didn’t always involve so much blood.

This month is worse than usual.

This month, she lets herself into the apartment at sunrise as per usual and waits. He’ll turn up in an hour or so, worse for wear but alive, and she’ll check bandages and make an excuse that leads well to sleepy cuddles and their routine will progress as it always does. As tragic as it is, there are upsides to full moons and-

This month, it’s three hours after sunrise and he collapses the moment he’s safely in the main room and there is _so much blood_.

Joss’s heart jumps and she falls to the floor beside her partner, checking his wounds. “Talk to me. Please.”

“New wolf,” Luke murmurs, shifting his body and groaning in pain. “Happens.”

“Breathe, okay? Please.”

She gets back on her feet for long enough to soak an old towel in warm water, then drops back to the floor and pushes him onto his back so she can deal with the front wounds first. Few are _active_ , and she’s pretty sure half of the blood isn’t even his, but it still worries her enough to keep her quiet.

“Okay, on your front now,” she half-orders, helping him move.

The wounds are already healing, enough that she knows it was never more than a scare, but still her heart races. She’s known for years that she can’t lose him, but being faced with the potential again is too much.

“Can you make it to the bedroom?” she asks, having done all she can.

“Not yet.”

“I’ll be back.”

She darts off, grabs pillows and blankets and comes back as quick as she can. The routine for days-after is catnaps and cuddles, and she can accept it happening on his kitchen floor just as easily as his bed.

“You’re okay,” she murmurs, snuggling closer under the blanket pile. “You’re okay.”

“Didn’t mean to scare you.”

“I know. It’s okay.” She kisses the tip of his nose, most she’ll allow herself and most he’ll let her do under the circumstances. “Love you, Luke.”

“Love you, Joss.”

There are worse ways to spend a Sunday morning...


	4. training

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt - "teaching the other something new".
> 
> Indefinitely post-s1.

At this point in her life, Jocelyn is pretty sure she knows everything she will ever need to know about defending herself. She is apparently wrong.

“Just in case,” Luke says after a lovely explanation of why she needs to learn to shoot. “Just in case.”

She can’t exactly fight that. With how chaotic their lives are, she needs every possible asset on-hand for the next time stuff gets weird. She’s just not sure how knowing how to use a gun is going to help her.

Still, she agrees to it and tags along the next time Luke has a work-related reason for weapons practice. She’s not sure what rules get bent in the process, but the person at the desk doesn’t bat an eyelash about a civilian using the facility and Joss is very thankful for it. She’s already in over her head, she doesn’t need to talk her way out of this mess too.

“I’m going to move you around a bit,” Luke warns her, standing behind her. “Is that alright?”

“Yeah, just… nothing sudden, okay?”

He gently shifts her shoulders and hips, lingering just longer than he should on her body, before moving to her hands and the pistol between them. “Aim and shoot, Joss. It’s that simple.”

She does, almost missing the target entirely. Several more tries have the same effect, and she sighs in frustration.

“Watch me,” Luke says, taking the gun from her hands. He fires three shots, perfect accuracy, and Jocelyn can’t help but think she’ll never be that good.

“It takes practice,” he murmurs. “You don’t have to be good right away. We can come out here again some other time, it’s not-”

“Let me try again.”

This time, she does a little better. Not good _yet_ , but she tries.

“Practice,” she repeats. “This could be good for us.”

“Hopefully unnecessary, but good, yeah.”

“Thank you.”

“I want you to be safe, babe. The more ways we can make that happen, the better.”

She gently kisses his cheek. “Have I ever mentioned how much I love your protectiveness?”

“Maybe...”


	5. dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt - "I dreamt about you last night".
> 
> Pre-s1.

He’s always there, and sometimes she feels like that might be their greatest problem.

Jocelyn is a smart woman, and she protects her own. That’s the reason for the emotional walls she’s set up, the walls she wishes she could burn down because it’s not fair to keep Luke at a distance like that and yet she _has_  to. It’s safer that way. But gods, he’s still her best friend and the probable love of her life and she’s not dead yet and she _wants_.

Sometimes her subconscious isn’t so great about rules. Sometimes she wakes up panting and wondering why she’s alone in her bed, sometimes her sleeping mind decides to project the most _lovely_  things and -

“You okay?” he asks, breaking through her thought pattern. It is Saturday morning, he showed up ten minutes ago bearing her favorite knd of fancy coffee, they’re alone, and this is all too much.

“I dreamt about you last night,” she breathes.

“What kind of dream?”

“The kind where I hate that my kid is fourteen and we have to wait a few more years?”

“Joss, you know how I feel about-”

”It’s safer. You know I’m right. I know us too well and it’s all or nothing and if I let you in... it’s not safe yet, love. I wish it was but it’s not.”

She kisses his cheek, most she’ll let herself do for a long while yet, and fights back the urge to cry. Someday, she tells herself. Someday.


	6. everything beautiful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SMUT, Y'ALL.

Normally, Joss would point out that this is a terrible idea. Normally, lying on her back on a blanket in a field in the middle of nowhere would be a problem - and nevermind the person above her. But somehow, strange circumstances be damned, today feels like the most _right_  thing Jocelyn’s done in a very long time.

Luke’s kissing her neck, sweet slow tasting kisses as his hands move under her blouse and fumble with her bra. No, fumble is not enough of a word, more like-

“How do women wear these things every day?” he murmurs against Joss’s skin.

“Ever wonder why I wear sweatshirts a lot?”

Luke’s smart enough not to answer that question, just drops his hands to her hips and lets her finagle the misbehaving piece of lingerie herself.

“You could’ve torn it off me,” Joss mutters. “I’m pretty sure your wolf strength might be the only thing that could damage this one.”

He laughs, low resonant laugh that sends another wave of want straight to her core. They haven’t gotten this much alone time since the summer camp disaster, and that was almost a decade ago, and-

“Joss? Hey, Joss? You still with me?”

She snaps back to reality in a heartbeat. “Yeah. Just thinking about how long it’s been.”

“We don’t have to-”

“I know. But I want to. And you want to. And that’s enough.”

Luke responds by stripping off his t-shirt and throwing it aside. From her perch on her back with his knees straddling her thighs, Jocelyn gets a beautiful view of his muscles - not as defined as they once were, but damn good for his age and he definitely knows it. Someday, Joss thinks, someday - maybe the day after a full moon, when he’s too tired to be as giving as he usually is - someday she is going to kiss every inch of his body and find every place that makes him howl.

For now, however, for now it’s enough to let him unbutton her blouse and lean down and suck one of her nipples as he palms her breasts. It’s enough, almost, to make her feel beautiful.

She accidentally says that last bit, and he stills above her, worried. “We don’t have to do this,” he says again.

“You’re allowed to just say you don’t want to,” Joss shrugs. “This isn’t all about me.”

“I want you,” Luke murmurs, rocking his hips just a little and proving that his body and mind are agreed on that statement. “I just... you know how I am, babe.”

“I know. And most of the time I love it. But right now, maybe _not_  do the overprotective thing?”

“I’ll try.”

“You can overcompensate when we cuddle after.”

With that, Joss gently shoves Luke back far enough that she can push her jeans and panties off her hips. It hits her that she ought to have more insecurities about her body - she’s on the bad side of forty, an abuse survivor, and has some really goddamn weird battle scars - and yet she’s completely comfortable. _Because it’s LUKE_ , she thinks, and that’s enough reason. Because he’s seen her skin before, and maybe she weighs ten pounds more than she did last time but it’s not like either of them cares, and-

“May I touch you?”

“Please.”

Joss growls as one of his fingers slips between her folds, spreading her wetness around before stroking her clit. If this were a more normal encounter, she knows his tongue would be right down there alongside his hand, but instead he kisses her mouth to muffle what noises she makes. He’s gentle yet knowing, cautious enough not to push her too far at once but easily finding the right pressures and patterns to bring her to a solid edge.

“This good?” Luke asks, breathing against her skin again.

“Very,” she replies, and three good circles later, everything is suddenly very warm.

When she fully comes down, he’s similarly undressed and hovering above her. “Absolutely sure?”

“Yeah.”

The same quiet gentleness that Luke displays in everyday life is equally prominent in his style as a lover. His thrusts are slow, punctuated with kisses and wandering hands. This is a dance of equals, two people who know each other’s bodies as well as their own, and above all else, Joss feels _present_. Her hands wander too, head neck back ass up and down determined to touch as much of his skin as she can _while_  she can. Their relationship may be out in the open now, but that doesn’t mean quiet moments are gonna become any more common, and it could be _years_  before-

“What do you want me to do?” Luke asks. From his breathing alone, Joss can tell he’s close.

“In me is fine. Please.”

A few more thrusts and he collapses on top of her, a heavy comforting weight until he can be bothered to move. Her arms wrap around his waist as he shifts just slightly, separating their bodies and putting a little less pressure on her, and all Joss can feel is beautiful.

“We might as well be teenagers again,” she laughs. “First time we make love in ages and we do it during a picnic.”

“Are you okay?” Luke asks, less worried.

“Yeah. Best day of my life.”


	7. however you want me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt - things you said that i wish you hadn’t

He gets it, he swears. Luke is a rational enough man, and he knows these choices Jocelyn is currently making have a purpose. In the name of protecting her daughter, she’s sacrificing almost everything she has. Luke, on the other hand, she’s only asking one little favor from.

One little favor that means putting their lives on hold for fifteen years. But still, only one sacrifice.

“I love you,” Joss murmurs. They’re nested together on her couch, her body almost-but-not-quite on top of his, comfortable. “I just... I have to keep her safe, and that means no werewolf boyfriend for a while.”

Luke is equal parts heartbroken and ecstatic over that little sentence. “If things were different, you’d...?”

“If I didn’t have a four-year-old daughter who I want to have the most normal childhood in the history of the world, I’d freaking marry you, Lucian. But I do, and I don’t trust us to lie about what you are if we try domesticate each other, so...”

He presses a gentle kiss to her forehead. “Love you too, Joss.”

“I’m not saying... I still need you in my life. I still _want_  you. You’ve been my best friend since we were twelve and you are the only person who’s always been there, always been on my side and _by_ my side, I just... I wish this was different. I wish...”

“You don’t have to say anything. I understand. I’m here. Always. However you want me.”

“Can you settle for being my platonic life partner and taking care of Clary and I when we inevitably get the flu or something?”

“Nothing better in the world.”

Joss laughs, nuzzling her head against his shoulder. “You don’t have to lie to me, Luke. I know-”

“I’m happiest when I’m with you. Whether or not I’m allowed to kiss you doesn’t matter as long as-”

“Luke-”

“Someday I’m gonna hold you to that promise about marrying me, but... until it’s safe, I can live with this. I still get you and the kid. It’s enough.”


	8. just fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt - first time Joss goes down on Luke.

It’s the morning after full moon and they’re nested on Joss’s bed as per usual, today not just ‘cause of the moon either. Clary’s midway through two weeks at a summer camp upstate, and being temporarily rid of the kid means Luke’s functionally moved in until that situation changes. They claim, like always because this must always appear _innocent_ , that it’s because Joss doesn’t feel safe at night alone. (Like her pocket-sized eleven-year-old daughter counts as safety... but hey, trauma is weird and it’s the harmless kind of white lie so let her have this.) In reality...

In reality, she rolls over and presses a very lingering kiss against Luke’s lips and she is so, so aware of their bodies right now.

Timing isn’t ideal, sure. This past week, with the moon coming and all, he hasn’t felt safe doing anything more than curling up with her in bed or twirling her around the kitchen because somehow the radio got turned on and they both like this song despite being fifteen years on the wrong end of its target market. But that’s over with now, Luke has paid his monthly debt to the curse in his blood, and they are sprawled on a mattress with an entire glorious week ahead of them.

And oh, it will be glorious, they are both sure of it.

Jocelyn is a practical woman above all else. Sometimes in a colder way than necessary, but she tries. She has everything she wants out of life and has found a way to get it without any great sacrifices, and while it’ll be another decade before she feels right with the choices that would let her become the wife of the beautiful man currently next to her (and oh, she will be his wife and he will be her husband, they have _had_  that conversation)... at least she gets moments like this. At the very least, one day a month she gets to nest with him and take care of him and steal a few kisses. Sometimes, much more than that.

“What are you thinking?” Luke murmurs, shifting their bodies so his hand tangles in her long fire hair. He knows the look on her face, knows where it leads but wants words before actions, wants-

“We should take advantage of this much alone time.”

“We should, but...”

“What?” She kisses the tip of his nose, laughing.

“This moon took a lot from me, Joss. I’m too exhausted for whatever you’re thinking.”

She closes her eyes for a few moments, contemplating ways to proceed, and then a perfect idea hits her. “No you’re not.”

“As I remember, that one time you told me to let you do all the work did not-”

“Who said this was going to be straight-up ordinary sex?” Technicalities, oh how Jocelyn loathes them. “I was thinking, maybe... I could go down on you, if you’re okay with that?”

Luke’s eyes get very, very wide. Angel knows there’s a five-page list of sexual acts he’d never in a million years suggest with Joss due to her history, and while most of that list is a disorganized mess, he’s reasonably certain blowjobs are very close to the top. And yet here she is, completely serious about wanting to do that to him, and-

“Are you sure that’s safe for you, Joss?”

“Would I be suggesting it if I wasn’t?”

“No...”

“Then I’m game if you’re game. If you’re not, we can just cuddle or-”

“I am _completely_  game.”

“Good.”

And with that, Joss quickly strips out of her tank top and panties and pulls her hair up with a convenient hairband.

She can do this, she tells herself. She’d much rather properly fuck him, or hell, stripping down and covering each other’s skin in wet kisses and gentle caresses would be _perfect_  right now. But there’ll be time for that later, maybe tonight or maybe tomorrow, when Luke is fully recovered from his transformation. For now...

For now, Jocelyn thinks as she runs her hand over his hardening crotch and feels more than hears his low growl of yes please good, for now this will be pleasurable enough for both of them.

“If anything bad happens in your head, stop. Promise me that, Joss. Can you do that?”

“Yeah. I had no problem that one time we-”

Luke pulls her down for another kiss. “I know. Just reminding you, babe.”

No more formalities. She can do this.

She shifts away for a few moments to let him remove his t-shirt and boxers and oh, she will never get tired of the beauty of him. There are no other words for the solid muscle structure, warm skin, gentle hands-

“You know I love you, right?”

“Can you please stop talking?”

He nods, and once his body is satisfactorily still, Jocelyn begins her exploration.

She’s never done this to someone completely of her own free will before today, so she supposes this counts as a first time and she’s allowed to be terrible. On the other hand, she _knows_  Luke, and what little she does not know about him, she trusts her instincts to discover. He’s a good man, she reminds herself as she steadies her body and slowly brings her lips down onto his cock. He’s a good man, she knows and believes that with every cell in her body, and she can show her love through touch just as easily as words.

Slowly, she takes him into her mouth. He moans - she looks up and sees closed eyes and parted lips and _oh_  he is _beautiful_! - and she continues, inching her way down until her gag reflex makes an appearance. Not a full victory, but the last remaining inch of dick can be handled with her fingers and tongue easily enough and-

“Josssssss.”

Just as slowly, she releases until just the head is in her mouth and then she sucks and twirls her tongue and watches the effect she has on his breathing. Every response he makes sends a wave of want straight to her clit, but again, there’ll be time for her own desires _later_. Once she gets Luke off - which will not be hard, werewolf stamina really ain’t that great in the immediate aftermath of the moon - and once they’ve rested and-

“Close.”

She sucks with more pressure, slips a hand beneath her to handle his balls, and is rewarded moments later.

As he comes down, she swallows hard and climbs back up his body until her head is resting on his shoulder where it belongs. “I love you, Luke. Love you so much.”

“Talk later. Sleep now.”

She can do that just fine too.


	9. trust fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt - “If you keep looking at me like that we won’t make it to a bed.”

He’s staring at her like never before. Like, they’ve known each other for a lifetime now - Joss can’t even remember how long anymore, can’t remember a flicker of her childhood before Luke filled the missing piece she didn’t know was even there before him - and she cannot, for the life of her, remember a time when his eyes were this _focused_  on her. Not that she minds, but damn, somebody in this room is gonna notice and-

“Something wrong?” Luke murmurs, adding to the problem with his soft low voice hitting all kinds of buttons in her head and other places in her body.

“Depends on what kind of wrong you’re talking,” she replies.

“Am I worried about you or not?”

“You’re always worried about me,” Jocelyn laughs. “But no, this isn’t a flashback or anything else that’s gonna end in me crying or punching someone or anything else you’ll have to fix. Is that enough?”

He smiles at her, one of those gentle move-the-world smiles that makes her feel all kinds of things that she’s fairly sure she shouldn’t even be _thinking_  at the annual werewolf holiday party from hell. “And now I’m just curious.”

She shifts closer, lips almost brushing his ear. “If you keep looking at me like that, we won’t make it to a bed.”

It might be just the overall atmosphere of the place, but she _swears_  she hears him growl. “Lock on my office door works as of last week.”

For a couple heartbeats, Jocelyn considers her options. On the one hand, she’s fairly sure she’s not that kind of women no matter _how_  much she wants to entwine with her partner right fucking now. On the other hand, waiting until they get home is a riskier move - anything could happen in the next couple hours, thousands of possible petty disasters that might kill their mood - so she might as well.

After all, she tells herself, she’s still got a few shitty life choices she needs to check off.

“You’re absolutely sure it’s wolf-proof?”

“Unless there’s some kind of emergency...”

She leans up and kisses him like she knows goddamn well people are watching, like she wouldn’t have been brave enough to do in public six months ago. Claiming territory, she thinks that move is usually called, but right now it’s lustful anticipation and Luke reciprocates beautifully.

“Want you,” he murmurs.

“Get me out of here and out of this dress.”

As it turns out, the door may or may not lock. Luke plays with it a little bit once they’re safely on the right side of it, tsks and shakes his head and silently decides to just block it off with a folding chair. “Sorry babe.”

Jocelyn laughs, shaking her hair loose from its simple updo. “Door stays shut. That’s all I’m worried about right now.”

He crosses the space and envelops her against a wall, both of them breathing in the closeness before the switch flicks in their minds and their lips meet. From there it’s a blur, his new-moon energy mixing with her purely human _want_  in a beautiful collision. Her dress rips in a few places as he pushes it above her head, and there might not be so much hope for his button-up after this encounter either, but such small casualties compared to what they are doing and becoming right now.

Wall sex isn’t her ideal, she thinks as his hand slips between her legs as gently as always, but it’ll do when she’s desperate and on enough. And oh, she is both of those things right now.

“Enough foreplay,” she murmurs as she feels herself tense up in anticipation of an orgasm she’d much rather have with something inside her. “I’m safe, Luke. I want-”

What she wants is made irrelevant as he puts the right pressure on her clit and she crosses the edge collapsed against him. Again, not ideal but it’ll do. She leans up and kisses him, breathless, and wraps her fingers around his cock. “You ready?”

“If you are, babe.”

“I just told you-”

“I still have to ask.”

“Yeah. I’m good. Want you.”

She closes her eyes and lets him fuck her, lets him guide and oh there are not words for how much she trusts him right now. The other half of her, always, gentle and reverent and smiling as he kisses her collarbone.

“Close.”

“Good.”

Safe. She is safe with his aftermath body anchoring her, holding her close and kissing her forehead. Technically pinned to a wall, yes, and that makes her the slightest bit skittish but-

“Everything okay, Joss?”

“Perfect. Love you.” She drops to the floor and starts picking up clothing as best she can. “Are we gonna have to explain that?”

“Probably not. We can only hope.”


	10. her.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt - "I almost lost you".

She’s _there_ , standing just out of reach but so vividly _her_ , staring at you with an expression you know far too well as a polite way of questioning your sanity, and this is the happiest you’ve felt since the last time you saw her. You know it’s bullshit, pinning your emotional stability to one fragile living being, but you can’t help it. Jocelyn is your other half, in whatever form she chooses to be, and-

“What the hell are you doing in New York,” she murmurs, not a question because she already knows the answer.

“I wanted to make sure you were safe,” you reply. That’s unemotional enough, right? That’s something a normal person could say without expecting anything in return, right?

Before you can get too caught up in your anxieties, Joss takes two steps forward and wraps her arms around you, loose enough to give an easy exit if you need one yet still comforting and thoroughly _her_. She feels different than she did five years ago, you think as you mirror the embrace, but then again your own body has changed... maybe not quite as much, but still enough to notice. Good changes, though, all you can see. And still the same presence, the same peace and safety in your union, and that’s what matters most.

“I almost lost you,” you breathe, praying to gods you don’t believe in that you can at least explain yourself before you start crying. “I thought you were dead. For years I thought-”

“I knew you weren’t,” she counters. “I felt like... I think I would’ve _known_ , somehow, if something tragic had happened to you. I worry on full moons but-”

“I’ve done alright. No new scars I didn’t earn.”

“Good.”

Surprisingly, given the typical pattern of her being the stronger half, she starts crying first. Softly, nothing like the painful screams and confessions that still burn in your mind, but enough that you pull her just a little bit closer as your own defenses slip and you join her.

This here, in a small apartment in a city you don’t know with the background noise of an unsupervised four-year-old doing heaven knows what, this here is the best you’ve ever felt.

“Can I stay?” you ask when you force your emotions back under control enough for words.

“I don’t... not _here_ , not for very long, not yet. I’m keeping her innocent as long as I can, Luke. But... yes. I want that.”

You’ll work out all the details later, you figure. For now, it doesn’t matter. For now, all you see is _her_.


	11. motivations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt - “I should’ve told you a long time ago.”

He stayed alive because of her.

The words echo in her mind, pulsing over and over, creating a wound. On some level, this isn’t surprising. Jocelyn knows her partner well enough to know that his life has always been guided by love. But to this extent? She wants to...

Angel, there aren’t _words_  for what she wants to do right now.

He’s still there, still at the edge of her reach, still staring at her with sad warm-brown human eyes like this is one of the scariest moments of his life. Luke, who has faced down monsters both humanoid and not, her best friend for almost thirty years, still continues to surprise her.

“I should’ve told you a long time ago,” he murmurs. “But the timing was never right.”

Course not, she wants to say. For a more normal person, a more normal couple, revealing that the distant glowing image of one’s partner was the only thing that kept one from taking blade to wrist would be awkward at best. But for them, somehow, not so much.

Joss closes the space between them, wraps her arms around him and rests her head against his chest so she can hear his solid heartbeat. “And you’re telling me now because...?”

“I hate keeping secrets from you.” She feels his voice more than hears it, comforting deep almost-growl. “And I’ve done that a lot lately, and now I’m trying not to.”

She shifts her position just a little and kisses the curve of his neck. “It’s okay, Luke. I’ve seen people survive for worse.”

“I know. I just... I thought you should know. In case you’d ever wondered.”

“I already knew, I think. But hearing it from you is still nice.”


End file.
